A slightly different account of the FOTR
by Drathyl
Summary: A (I Think) quite humorous account of the Fellowship of the Ring


Little disclaimer---- I own nothing. (Dang.)  
  
Frodo awoke one fine morning in the Mire "Ah" Frodo said aloud to himself "What a wonderful day for an adventure. Any moment now Gandalf will be along to celebrate Uncle Bilbo's seventy- twelveth hundredth birthday. And he'll tell me that the One Ring ™ that was forged by Sauron needs to be destroyed."  
  
Just then he heard a rap on the door. "Frodo!" yelled Bilbo "The door!"  
  
Bah! Though Frodo, let the old geezer get the door himself, he spends far too much time locked up watching football and eating pretzels. "And not enough time playing Computer games!" said Frodo as he powered on his PC.  
  
"Bloody MikroSopht OS takes forever to boot up. Ah here we are." "FRODO THE DOOR!!!" Bilbo practically screamed. Frodo shut the door. "Ah, one new E-mail message." He Double-clicked on the it. It read  
  
To: Frodo Baggins  
From: Bilbo Baggins  
Subject: Frodo...  
  
GET THE DOOR!!!!  
  
Grumbling, Frodo got out of his chair and headed down the hall. He went past the pantry, then he passed the cellar, and then past the second pantry and the third, the reserve cellar, the first wine cellar, past the dining room and the first kitchen. Then after making a huge sandwich somewhere between the second and fourth kitchen he finally got to the vending machines in the front hall. He popped open a can of brand soda, and spoke to the person on the other side of the door.  
  
"Go away! We don't need anymore well-wishers, partygoers, or distance relations." Somewhere down the hall Bilbo echoed his approval.  
  
"What about very old friends?"  
  
"Nope" Frodo choked down a Snickers ™ bar.  
  
"And what about very angry Wizards who have been on the road for a long, long time and are very hungry."  
  
"Are there more than one of you?" Frodo asked innocently  
  
"FRODO BAGGINS!!! I KNOW IT'S YOU!!! OPEN THIS DOOR THIS INSTANT OR I SHALL- "  
  
He stopped. No one said anything for a while.  
  
"Are you still there?" Frodo asked while eating a Reeses ™ peanut butter cup  
  
"I am, it's just after all these years of being a all-powerful wizard, people always did as I told them, but that being so, I've forgotten what I was going to do if they didn't."  
  
"Well don't stand there all day Gandalf, come in." Frodo opened the door.  
  
"Now Frodo there's not much time, we need to get the one ring from Bilbo and destroy it in the fires of Mt. Doom. ™" An incorporeal voice uttered "Doom!"  
  
"What's that?" asked Frodo, he looked around seeing nothing but his hobbit- hole.  
  
"Oh, it's just Phil, every time anyone says Mt. Doom ™-"  
  
"Doom!"  
  
"-Or doom-"Gandalf continued..  
  
"Doom!"  
  
"-Phil says 'Doom!'"  
  
"Doom!"  
  
"Shut up Phil!" Gandalf said.  
  
"Sorry." Phil said.  
  
"Now where's the ring?" Gandalf asked  
  
"Umm, oh yes I was just telling our readers about you and the ring and how it must be destroyed." Frodo stated  
  
"How did you know?" Gandalf looked puzzled  
  
"Why, I read the script of course."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Never mind."  
  
"Where's the ring?"  
  
"Well," said Frodo "I knew we had to get it to Mt. Doom ™-"  
  
"Doom!"  
  
"Shut up, Phil."  
  
"Sorry..."  
  
"I knew we had to get it to Mt Doom ™..." Frodo stopped  
  
Phil said nothing.  
  
"I knew we had to get it to Mt Doom ™" Frodo said for the third time  
  
"You've already said that. Where is the One Ring ™?"  
  
"I sent it FedEx ™"  
  
"WHAT?!?!" Gandalf practically screamed.  
  
"Don't worry, it'll get there in one week, It's not in the continental U.S. so we can't expect over night delivery."  
  
"Quickly we must get going!"  
  
"Oh and Sam Gamgee is out side the window and he is eavesdropping, so don't believe him when he says he's "just gardening-at-11-o'clock-at-night-not- listening-in-on-other-peoples-conversations-please-don't-turn-me-into- anything-unnatural" bit.  
  
Gandalf pulled Sam through the window.  
  
"Uh, mister Frodo. Sir..." Sam mumbled..  
  
"Turn him into a frog." Frodo said.  
  
"Okay," Gandalf replied. "ZAAAPPP!" he finished. Sam turned into Jar Jar Binks.  
  
"Hellloosa Mister Frodosa, Mesa thanken yousens for thisin great, uh, burden, with mouie mouie humility and-"  
  
"ZAAAPP BANG- ZINGIE! POOWWWOO!!!" Shouted Gandalf. Sam Sam Binks disintegrated in a puff of green smoke and the real Sam Gamgee appeared.  
  
"I've thought of a better use for you." Gandalf said ominously.  
  
Sam swallowed nervously. 


End file.
